Rant - Husbands are Commanded to Love Their Wives

–:Ninth Emotional Rant:–

Husbands are Commanded to Love Their Wives

Ibn al Hashimi insists:

The Prophet (صلّى الله عليه وآله وسلّم) loved his wife Aisha (رضّى الله عنها) dearly. How can the Shia deny this when Allah declares in the Quran: “And of His Signs is this: He created for you mates from yourself that you might find rest in them, and He ordained between you love and mercy.” (Quran 30:21) Every Muslim man is commanded to love his wife, and even the disbelievers love their wives! How can we face the Islam-haters and defend our Prophet (صلّى الله عليه وآله وسلّم) in front of them if they say that the Prophet (صلّى الله عليه وآله وسلّم) did not even love his own wife? What kind of a man except a cold-blooded wretch does not love his own wife? By Allah, the Prophet (صلّى الله عليه وآله وسلّم) loved Aisha (رضّى الله عنها), and if he loved her, then we should love her too.

Reply One – Marital tensions can impact on a loving relationship

We are in no doubt whatsoever that the desire of Allah (swt) is that spouses live in a loving relationship, in the same way that Allah (swt) desires that Muslims are brothers to one another. Divine desire and what practically happens on the ground by his subjects is not always what happens. Do scenarios not occur wherein relationships breakdown that can lead to separation and in some cases divorce? The very fact that Allah (swt) has allowed a man to divorce his wife proves that there comes a point in a marital relationship when love is replaced by animosity. In the case of Ayesha and Hafsa, there was a point wherein their conduct was so damaging that it placed a strain on their marriage to Rasulullah (s) – not only did Allah (swt) expose their collective collusion in Surah Tahreem and the honey plot, the Prophet (s) also separated from them for a period as a direct result. Separation can never be deemed evidence of love between spouses, Rasulullah (s) did so through displeasure.

Reply Two – Umar Ibn al Khattab testified to the fact that Rasulullah (s) did not love his wife Hafsa

We read in Sahih Muslim Book 009, Number 3507:

‘Umar b. al-Khattab (Allah be pleased with him) reported: When Allah’s Apostle (may peace be upon him) kept himself away from his wives, I entered the mosque, and found people striking the ground with pebbles and saying: Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) has divorced his wives, and that was before they were commanded to observe seclusion ‘Umar said to himself: I must find this (actual position) today. So I went to ‘A’isha (Allah be pleased with her) and said (to her): Daughter of Abu Bakr, have you gone to the extent of giving trouble to Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him)? Thereupon she said: Son of Khattab, you have nothing to do with me, and I have nothing to do with you. You should look to your own receptacle. He (‘Umar) said: I visited Hafsa daughter of ‘Umar, and said to her: Hafsa, the (news) has reached me that you cause Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) trouble. You know that Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) does not love you, and had I not been (your father) he would have divorced you.

We appeal to justice if Ibn al Hashimi insists that the Quran compels a husband to love his wife, what should we say about the comments of Umar who said to his daughter: “You know that Allah’s Messenger (may peace be upon him) does not love you, and had I not been (your father) he would have divorced you”? If Ibn al Hashimi’s interpretation of this verse is correct, are we to therefore conclude that Rasulullah (s) was sinning by not loving Hafsa? The fact of the matter is this reference alludes to the fact that there existed a political element to Rasulullah (s) marrying certain women, namely to forge tribal links / connections via marriage.

In this regards Maudoodi in his commentary of Surah Ahzab verse 50 whilst discussing why Allah (swt) granted the Prophet (s) the right to have multiple wives, expounds the political reasons:

“The Holy Prophet had also been appointed to abolish the system of life of the pre-Islamic days of ignorance and replace it with the Islamic system of life practically. For the accomplishment of this task a conflict was inevitable with those who upheld the system of ignorance, and this conflict was being encountered in a country where the tribal system of life was prevalent with aII its peculiar customs and traditions. Under these conditions, besides other devices, it was also necessary that the Holy Prophet should marry in different families and clans in order to cement many ties of friendship and put an end to enmities. Thus, the selection of the ladies whom he marred was to some extent determined by this object besides their personal qualities. By taking Hadrat ‘A’ishah and Hadrat Hafsah to wife he further strengthened and deepened the relations with Hadrat Abu Bakr and Hadrat ‘Umar. Hadrat Umm Salamah was the daughter of the family to which Abu Jahl and Khalid bin Walid belonged, and Umm Habibah was the daughter of Abu Sufyan. These marriages neutralized the enmity of these families to a large extent; so much so that after Umm Habibah’s marriage Abu Sufyan never confronted the Holy Prophet on the battefield. Hadrat Safiyyah, Hadrat Juwairiah and Raihanah belonged to Jewish families. When the Holy Prophet married them, after setting them free, the hostile Jewish activities against him subsided. For according to the Arab traditions when the daughter of a clan or tribe was married to a person, he was regarded as the son-in-law of not only the girl’s family but of the entire tribe, and it was disgraceful to fight the son-in-law.

Practical reformation of the society and abolition of its customs of ignorance was also included among the duties of his office. Therefore, he had to undertake one marriage for this purpose also, as has been related in detail in this surah Ahzab itself”